Attention, attention

Hear ye, hear yea. Here are some important public announcements:

1. If you are making an entertaining video about a conspiracy theory, it is as well to check your sources. Quoting an academic who believes there is a hidden history of humanity (based on some gobbledegook) is probably not a good source. Neither is a demolition expert who on his own website demolishes the points you make in your video. Nice theory, rubbish research. 9 for effort, 1 for attainment.

2. The Israeli lefty peace group Peace Now has published a report stating that much of the land on which Israeli settlements were built is stolen.

3. The Pope is Roman Catholic.

4. Bears excrete in woods.

5. Whoever is sending me spam about stocks and shares - please stop. I don't buy stock.

6. I am not looking for a job paying a 20% commission on handling cheques from a company I have never heard of. I might look stupid, but I'm not that stupid.

7. Everyone please stop asking for things I haven't got. Those who want things I do have (ie white and blue mens' t-shirts, black and cranberry womens') please make an orderly queue.

8. Pipe smoking is bad, bad, bad. Please stop giving me ideas. I am not middle aged and I am not going to start smoking a pipe. No. I'm not.

9. Viking Direct - I am vaguely interested in your products, but contacting me twice a week about them is a bit excessive, don't you think?

Thank you for your attention.